Revenge of the Mongols
Khwarezmia was a
bustling Islamic empire during the 1200’s when it made the terrible mistake of
pissing off Genghis Khan.
Then ruled by Shah Ala ad-Din Muhammad, Khwarezmia was a huge, sprawling empire that
encompassed the lands of Greater Iran. The Shah had at this time just extended
the empire’s borders, and was involved in a pissing c0ntest of a sort with the
Caliph of Baghdad.
Many historians
agree that the Mongolians originally had no intention of obliterating the
empire, but were only interested in trade and even saw a potential alliance
with the Shah. After all, the Empire was the Mongolians’ first contact with the
Islamic Middle East.
In fact, Genghis
Khan sent his messengers to the empire with a message that basically
acknowledges the Shah’s authority: “You rule the rising sun and I rule the
setting sun,” which is like having the biggest, meanest bully in the schoolyard
ask you politely if it’s all right to, you know, hang out with you.
So how did the Khwarezmians
respond, did they slaughter a few thousand sheep, offer their daughters to the Great
Khan's messengers, and compose a few songs to welcome the ambassadors and celebrate their alliance?
Well, not
exactly. In one of history’s most stupidest displays of assholery, the governor
of the Khwarezmian city of Otrar had the Khan’s messengers arrested, their caravan
seized, and all the merchants, save one, killed.
Genghis Khan, refusing
to believe at first the breathtaking chutzpa
that these people displayed, sent another
group of envoys; this time to the big boss himself, Shah Ala ad-Din. Perhaps to ask, “Did you just kill off my
homies? What’s up with that?”
Or words to that
effect.
To which the
Shah responded by shaving the heads of the messengers, and cutting off the head of the interpreter.
That finally convinced
Genghis Khan that this Ala ad-Din fellow did not really want to hang out with
him.
Genghis Khan, with
a force of 200,000 men led by some of the greatest generals that ever lived,
went after him, in the process launching the Great Khan’s invasion of CentralAsia.
He then
proceeded to give the Khwarezmid Empire a beating so brutal the world would not
see anything like it until the 20th century. The annihilation was so
complete, the destruction so absolute, that this campaign essentially earned
the Mongols’ reputation for bloodthirstiness and savagery in battle.
“O would that my
mother had never borne me, that I had died before and that I were forgotten
[so] tremendous disaster such as had never happened before, and which struck
all the world, though the Muslims above all . . . Dadjdjal [Muslim
Anti-Christ] will at least spare those who adhere to him, and will only destroy
his adversaries. These [Mongols], however, spared none. They killed women, men,
children, ripped open the bodies of the pregnant and slaughtered the unborn…”
The Mongols overwhelmed
the Shah’s army, destroying Bukhara, Samarkand, and the Khwarezmid capital of Gurganj.
They captured the Governor of Otrar
alive, and according to one legend, poured molten silver into his eyes and
mouth.
The Shah himself
eventually fled to an island in the Caspian Sea and died there shortly after, a
broken man. Perhaps thinking, over and over, “I could have just acted like a good
neighbor, you know? But nooo...”
The Mongols
destroyed an army five times their size, and did their best to wipe the empire
off the map. Four million of the empire’s inhabitants were slaughtered.
Payback really
is a bitch.
The Mongol
armies, as a result of this campaign, cleared a path to Europe. As for the rest
of the Islamic world—Iraq, Turkey, and Syria, all three were eventually
conquered by future khans.
Genghis Khan
prided himself in being known as the “punishment from God.”
But which god is
anybody’s guess.
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