I’ve always liked The Onion. The site contain news that I like to read, whereas others have news that are really depressing. If only they have a news channel on cable, to compete with other news organizations that constantly bombard us with news from around the world that makes us cringe, puke, tear our hairs out, snort out in disgust, shout out imprecations, shake our collective heads, and other manifestations of rage and general dislike.
Consider this article from The Onion:
Science Confirms Men and Women Never Meant To Be More Than FriendsMarch 28, 2011 | ISSUE 47•13UPSALA, SWEDEN—In a shocking reversal of thousands of years of thinking on human reproduction, researchers at the Swedish Collegium for Advanced Study in the Social Sciences announced Monday that sexual contact is a genetic accident, and men and women originally evolved to just be good buds. "Using DNA evidence unavailable until the completed mapping of the human genome, we can now definitively state that the two genders were never meant to do anything more than hang out with each other platonically as pals," said noted evolutionary scientist Dr. Janet Karberg, adding that humans are genetically hardwired in such a way that getting involved romantically can only "ruin everything" between two people. "The true biological imperative of male and female humans is to enjoy long-lasting friendships that don't get bogged down in attraction or sexual tension in any way." Ideally, the report stated, men and women should just go to dinner or the movies every few weeks, hug at most, and then return home to masturbate in solitude.
Who knew, eh?
A lot of people, as it turn out. That would explain the dating record of most people who blog and spends time enough browsing the internet to know about The Onion. <snicker>
Guys, it was science. For somebody who spends a lot of time thinking up excuses, this really warms my heart. (I was going to write cockles in place of heart, but I don’t know what, anatomically, cockles really are).